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I am BLUESIREN, I show off diverse and copious masquerade so don't be ridiculous by what am sayin, don't be buoyant about what I've agreed with you coz' nothing of 'em divulge my real identity. I have fabricated a perception that am hilarious—that all is defined and zilch of wretchedness in me. Within me, is self-reliance that strictly fortifies my philosophy that bliss can be pragmatic in my everyday custom and I necessitate no solitary but myself.
Don't believe me please. Underneath these lies have no arrogance and no condemnation. Beneath, dwells the real me, in confusion, in fear and aloneness. But I put this out of sight for am so terrified that you will notice what am hiding. I panic with the judgment of my imperfection and executed by the fear of being judged! That's why I anxiously form a disguise to hide behind an offhand and sophisticated façade—to help myself hide, pretend and feel a pinch of relief, to defend myself from glance; this is my deliverance... my only salvation and console to run for my life! But this is, if given a chance of real affection and love.
It is the only way that can release me from my horrible being...away from my personal self-built penitentiary walls and release me from these burning barricades that so scrupulously rise. It's the only fad that will pledge me of what I can't guarantee myself; that some point, I really worth something that can verify my being... but I don't provoke because I'm scared—frightened that you'll assume less of me and you'll laugh at me...and your offensive faces will tear me down...am afraid that deep down, am nothing and you'll definitely reject me.
I acquaint with everything, so I play my fraught pretending game with treacherous body. I tell you everything that it's really nothing and nothing of everything, of what's crying within me. So, don't be easily fooled by me and please listen vigilantly and heed not what I'd like and need to utter.
Dedications will follow